Probably. But I can never love him enough. Let me explain.
Though I am three years older, I often feel like my little brother is the one looking out for me. A sibling is often the only person who shares the same memories as you or was shaped by the same upbringing. Even though we don’t always agree or see eye to eye on everything, my brother understands me like no one else could. As we’ve grown older, the age gap has lessened and now we are more like equals. I can easily say he is one of my best friends.
When we were little, I was the kid who would always follow the rules and was overly cautious. I was afraid to go down the slide for the longest time, while my brother on the other hand would go down the slide head first before he could even walk. Blake also taught me that you can sneak a snack from the fridge before dinner, as long as mom isn’t watching. He was always a chill dude who didn’t overthink before he leaped, he just acted. My brother has accomplished so much in a short amount of time. To this day, I feel like my brother has more things figured out than me.
All this is to say I feel very protective of my little brother. We’ve gone through so much together. We were close before my mother’s death, but when our world was crumbling around us, all we had was each other. Sometimes I get annoyed when people think I love my brother too much. Not many people get to be as close with their siblings as we are. Some people don’t get why we are so close or are weirded out by our relationship, but I don’t care. I will always have a lifelong friend in my brother. I love my father, but leaving my brother was the hardest part about moving out. To this day, my greatest fear is not being there for him. Sometimes I think I try to make up for our mom being gone, but I can’t be his mother, I’m only his sister. That’s hard for me to face when all I want to do is make everything better.
My mom loved Blake so much. She knew how to comfort him in a way I’ll never understand. I hate that I don’t know how to help my brother half the time. I can maybe relate to what he is going through or sympathize, but I don’t have always have the right advice or know how to calm him down. That’s not my job. Mothers don’t always have the answers, but they know how to calm and comfort their children. Blake and I have each other, but we still need our mother. I love my brother, but I can never love him enough.
I believe we love people too much when we make them idols. At times in my life, I have loved my brother too much. When the men in my life would let me down, I would lean on my brother for support. I’m grateful my brother has my back, but he is still just my little brother. And it’s not fair to place people on a pedestal. I did this with my parents. My brother was another idol God had to dismantle in my life. After a difficult conversation with my brother, he opened up and told me he was afraid of disappointing me. There comes a time in everyone’s life when you realize just because you were raised the same way, you and your sibling may not have the same opinions or convictions as adults. In my mind, I had made an image of my brother that he did not match up to. It’s often the idea of things or unrealistic expectations that become idols in our life.
People will disappoint us and let us down because people are not perfect. I love people, but they can’t be our end all. Only Christ can truly satisfy us for our need for love and comfort. I’ve found from experience that the more I love Christ, the better equipped I am to love others. My identity does not depend on others but in Christ. I love my brother, but I can’t love him enough. My brother needs what we all need, and that is the love of Christ.